09/20/2019

During surgery recovery, I put “complete my continuing education courses” (CEUs) on my to-do list.
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During the perinatal course when the instructors were talking about postpartum depression, One instructor asked the other if she had experienced it-to which she replied “No, I didn’t have time”
And then listed off the specific things that kept her busy.
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I paused the course, and decided to write customer service an email about how language like is incredibly harmful for someone who has (or who may in the future) experience PPD.
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Mental Illness is not something that people MAKE time for-
It would be the equivalent of someone asking me :
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“Jamie have you ever broken a bone? And I reply, “nope, never had the time to.”
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There are A LOT of things I suck at- but something I’m trying to practice daily is courage- and sitting with all the stuff-
•••••
(Thoughts I had prior and during writing it)—
“Will anyone even read the email?” (Who cares jamie- send it anyway!)
“What if they don’t take it down and someone feels bad about having PPD and you didn’t write it? “You’re not good at writing like this- you’re not some mental health counselor-“ (it’s okay, you can have someone read over it?)
“You’re just another ONE of those complainers!” (YEaH, sure- but I’m trying to change the stigma with mental health, so CALL me a complainer!)
•••••
What I’m trying to say is in this culture, I’m scared to make a mistake-
I’m scared that I’ll say or do the wrong thing and hurt someone- but if don’t try- I’ll never make mistakes-
And I’ll never LEARN from them and I’ll never get better.
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I’ve made A lot of mistakes. I MAKE a lot of mistakes- and I will make mistakes in the future. I guess my hope is that my fear OF-
Never outweighs my courage TO keep trying.