12/13/2018
Today’s ‘random Jamie musing’ is brought to you by-
Boundary setting.
& why i’ve been intentionally practicing it for over 2 years & WHY it’s SO. DARN. difficult for me.
I think that this is something that we can all identify with-
Having a hard time putting them in place
and/or having a hard time with resentment when boundaries HAVE been crossed (put weren’t set up initially)
In order for people to adhere or (the word I like perfer is- RESPECT) your boundaries-
You MUST be present them CLEARLY as well as KINDLY- (I have found that the more ‘kind’ I am, the more that person receives the message) which I have taken to be MY FULL RESPONSIBILITY NOW.
Let’s take the random example of me AGREEING to be a part of the bake sale and telling the organizer that I will happily make 15 dozen cookies to bring to the upcoming event. (EVEN though this example is MADE up, I can already tell you that I would be POUNDING that dough with a freakin’ hammer and bare fists b/c the LAST thing I want to be doing on a sunday evening is making 150+ cookies for snot nosed kids who are probably going to take one bite and throw them away. (<----did you see that resentment sneak in right there?)
But let’s back track-
WHY did resentment come over me?
Was it because I didn’t SET a boundary initially?- (ie. say “NO, thank you- I do not want to participate in the bake sale next week.”)
Or was it because Mrs. Jones from the PTA is out to get me?
And the answer is- BOTH- nah, I’m kidding.
But- when we set CLEAR boundaries to start with, we will--> in turn experience less resentment towards the ones we love.
Ie. “It’s OKAY to be ANGRY, but It’s NOT okay to hit and slap other people.” (boundary setting is extremely important for raising these little ones too)
Or
“I would love to engage with you on topics that are dear to you, but I will not tolerate you when you talk about ‘so and so’ ←- This sounds SUPER cheesy, but remember, I’ve only really been practicing ‘boundary setting’ for the last 2 years, so I have a lot to learn, and have a lot of phrase work to do, but I have found that when I am able to set boundaries in my relationships, they end up being more fulfilling. Thoughts?
